"i hold my tongue, use it assess the damage from way back when it mattered"

we're only protecting ourselves from ourselves.

how is it that you have the power to tear me down?
why can't you just be happy?
you speed my heart up, and simultaneously destroy my world.
you build me up, so you can crush me later.
you need me

defenseless.

dependent.

alone.

for your personal satisfaction.
i don't need attention.
i crave it.
i yearn for it.
from no one but you.
you're a drug i can't put down-
what's worse :
you know it.
you're going to be the death of me.
i'm not afraid.
you're ashamed of me
and who can really blame you.
you know when to draw back and stop.
i'm coming down.
you're not here, you never were.
we're not romeo and juliet-
we're heroin and cocaine.
when we get together, a heart is bound to stop.
i'm too far in to back out.
go on just say it-
you won't be able to shake me.
you ask me "why can't you just be happy?"
go look in a fucking mirror you'll find your answer.

"this house is not a home."

words blur together-
one beautiful mess.
shaking and praying
equally worthless.
on the edge.
i'm about to fucking snap.
this isn't a family.
we were broken from start.
beyond all repair, nothing can help us now.
who needs hell when you live in a place like this?
none of us are making it out alive.

"touching you makes me feel alive. touching you makes me die inside"

slamming doors and shaking hands,
heavy hearts and breaking backs,
wide eyes and guilty consciouses.
for every action, there is a reaction.
the air is so thick you choke on your own breath.
this room is like a cell, it just lacks the padded walls.
this happy home was broken long ago.
burn it down, forget to build it back.
we can bury these memories and pretend they never existed,
it's what we've been programmed to do from the start.
loaded gun, circle of would be friends.
we'll just keep playing this game with disregard for the rules and the risks.
there is no going back to square one after tonight.
all that's left is the blood trapped by skin and the broken heart that
steadily beats behind a cage of bone.
there's no escaping this one and there is no rescue.
all efforts are useless.
kill or be killed.
hunt or be hunted.
grab your riffles and load the bullets.
turn the tables and prepare for complete anarchy.
this is your life.


don't blink.