"forget december"

the chemical imbalance rages on
all is hopeless in this home
there is no pine tree smell floating through the air.
no starry skies that range as far as the eye can see.
the sky is clouded with the worries of the world
no routine science could heal the sickness we rehearse.
we're all broken. we're all searching.
heavy hearts and making bargains with God
that seem to be going unheard.
the tears fall and the voices rise
and this month only will be so lonely.
there is no crisp air ripe with chimney smoke flowing from rooftops,
its been replaced with hot steam from the dirty, worn pavement
and the feeling of regret for another year that has flown by.
two weeks and the skeletons of good cheer and symbols of hope will
line the streets. they're dead and gone and soon to be forgotten
as most things are.
back to square one and a year that will be filled with failed dreams.
failed romances.
failed relationships.
lowered expectations.
things we all swore we would resolve and change.
things that all withstand the tests of time.
it's an ongoing, expected cycle that has a sick sense of home to it.
on christmas morning, outside was pouring
all was hopeless in this home.

"hurt myself again today, and the worst part is, there's no one else to blame"

repeated songs wearing out misunderstanding ears,
screams silenced by a jaw pressed too tightly shut.
jittery hands without a home, searching for solace wherever they find warmth,
a heart beating in rhythm with those that are never brought to life.
eyes tired of stinging from overused tears from an overworked mind.
the world is never behind you, it's always two steps ahead
and you are lost somewhere in the arms race with a million people just like you,
striving for originality and trying to make their mark on this planet.
but for some reason, the air still seeps into your lungs and wakes you up each day,
to fight, to live, to love, to rage.
it's so easy to let your knees collapse, your eyes to shut, and your arms raise in surrender...
sometimes i wish i could find my white flag.
for the masses to engulf me until i'm as physically damaged as my mind sometimes feels.
be my friend.