i'm joining the bandwagon
it hasn't pulled out just yet
i'm going to belong to something if it kills me.
everything in this world seems almost like wonderland.
one day everything is a tea party, the next the queen is after you.
for some reason i cannot deal with the unexpected, yet i'm i love being spontaneous.
does that make much sense?
probably not.
there are these moments when things almost seem too much
but in that good way, where you physically feel the air being sucked from your lungs.
where your knees buckle. and for a moment you are completely paralyzed.
the only thing moving is the beating of your heart in a slow steady rate.
you choke on words that cannot even begin their formation
they get lost somewhere between your heart and your lips.
your teeth prevent them from ever being birthed.
and in that moment, a chance fades like a dying light.
a movie moment that will never be seen, until the rare, limited edition release.
and by that point, what does it really matter?
it apparently wasn't good enough for the final product
like so many things in life seem to be.
and that's where i usually find myself. i feel like the words
trapped behind a blockade of teeth. my actions can never fully be justified.
i cannot be explained. merely taken for what i really am.
a jumble of high intensity moments and irrational thoughts.
i don't bother trying to explain myself to anyone anymore
what good will it really do? i've learned to bite my tongue.
i let rage build until i snap and unleash on the first unsuspecting victim.
i can't seem to stop it. but, then again, it seems like some of the most
monumental things in life are those that cannot be prepared for nor are expected.
i won't deny the fact that i sometimes wish i was still on your mind.
sometimes you still consume my day. and i hate that.
i hate you for what you've done. i forgive you, but the hate is still there none the less.
you're not happy, for that- i pity you. but you've dug your own grave
and i hope the bloodsuckers keep you company late into the night.
you'll never escape them now.
when my mind isn't consumed with thoughts of past unrequited loves
and the mistakes made by both parties
i think of far off worlds. that aren't even other worlds.
they're 3000 miles away at times. sometimes the other side of the globe.
depending on when you catch them.
i stop and realize my insanity. only a privileged few are allowed into
my world fantasy. those few are the ones who do not judge my dreams
no matter how childish they may seem.
i feel a connection, that's almost electric at times. and too much
for me to contain. and even when it's shared, it seems too much.
you're voice always gives me chills. i'm addicted to it.
nothing can take that away from me.
and although it may be one of the biggest letdowns and disappoints
of my life, i don't care. because the nonexistent love i feel from you
is more than i have ever felt from those who i have found shelter next to at night.
that terrifies me and amazes me all at the same time.
maybe i'm a bit psycho. maybe i'm a bit much. maybe i think too quick for my own good.
but i'm alright with that. because really. love is merely obsession. those who beg to differ
have never really loved.
