but i'm a creep.
i'm a weirdo.
what the hell am i doing here?
i don't belong here.
i don't care if it hurts.
i wanna have control.
i want a perfect body.
i want a perfect soul.
i want you to notice when i'm not around.
you're so fucking special.
i wish i was special.
i couldn't have said it any better myself.
i don't know how you are, or where you are for that matter.
if if makes you happy, good.
but i wish i could have a little indication of what you need,
rather than having to learn it in my own pathetic way.
i am overdramatic.
or perhaps i feel what a lot of people have learned to live without.
i've never lived WITH it. i have nothing to lose.
but i would love to have the opportunity to be able to be in the position
to have everything ripped out from under me.
perhaps that's a bit insane. maybe not.
but i will tell you that i'm sick of always being in the dark, with everything.
sometimes i'm fragile, but i've heard otherwise.
but, if that's the case: come clean with me.
hurt me. crush me. break me. bury me.
i want you to.
because at least you're doing something.
and i'm not having to do it by myself with words you always leave unspoken.
just when i start to believe you could mean everything, i find myself having
to retract my own thoughts.
not that i have a massive problem with this, i've grown an immunity through
similar situations.
silly me to believe that somehow you could have been so much more than
just another situation for me to boast over one night in a drunken stupor.
i was right in my assumption that the world IS back and white.
absolutely no gray area- anywhere.
it either is or isn't.
yes or no.
there are no excuses.
stop worrying that perhaps you'll cause some major stop sign in somebody's life.
because that's what it is. LIFE.
it stops for no one. not even you and you're fucking specialness.
you're here just like everybody else is.
and when you're gone, you're gone.
i'm not saying any of this in a morbid sense, although it could all very well be
taken as such.
i mean it in a metaphorical sense, imagine that.
sure you'll cause some delay. it's possible that you'll cause a detour and some
car crashes.
but, in the end, you'll be a lesson learned. never forgotten.
because, who would really want to have to deal with another you?
when you leave, i'll be the lucky one.
not you.
because you're losing the world and everything in it.
while i, am merely losing some pathetic person who cannot find the
decency to step up and tell me what's really going on and instead
cowards off into the night never to be seen or heard from again.
perhaps i'm being a bit... conceited?
but you know what. i have the right to be.
i've been told i'm not good enough by people who are in no position to tell
me what is and isn't right. that i've let them down and hurt them.
i'm learning that i really am above all of this.
i am special. i am beautiful. i am smart. i am funny.
i have a lot going for me.
you'd be lucky to find somebody who has one iota of what i do.
denial : A refusal to accept or believe something
-what a beautiful thing
