have you ever just lost yourself in a song.
one that may not have any real personal meaning for you
one where you don't understand the meaning...
but somehow, you find yourself hitting the 'play' button one more time-
just so you can somehow be flashed into somewhere deep inside yourself?
the highs and lows of the music... the gentle rap of the drums...
serves as some sort of sanctuary where you're untouchable and detached from the world
and everything that's in it.
it's not because i'm sad, it's quite the contrary.
i'm extraordinarily happy... more so than i can ever remember being.
i'm still riding hight- i just fear that i'll be shot down soon.
i suppose you shouldn't look at life like that, that you should just enjoy the good
but it's so easy to go ahead and look for what can ruin the happiness you're enjoying.
you can't have good without bad...
i worry about you.
i pray for you.
and i hope that to each of you that aren't happy.
that can't find that safe spot...
that you can one day. that it'll will come to you without effort.
sometimes i feel like how i feel, is almost too crazy to begin to explain to others.
it's not that i cannot explain it... i tend not too because the only words that could
help make the picture just a bit clearer, are the very ones that would make people
look at me as if i'm some maniac.
sometimes i get so excited, it feels like the emotion is going to come climbing out of my mouth.
like drinking that huge gulp of water after a long work out... but in reverse.
this sensation shoots up your spine. mingles and kisses your vocal cords.
only distracting them from actually making any type of sound.
and finally the feeling exits your body via your mouth as quietly as it seemed to form in your gut.
and you're left with a huge, goofy smile plastered across your face like a plastic barbie- expect not as attractive.
more in that wednesday addam's type of way.
you don't look right, but you can't help your muscles from forming that god forsaken face.
i've felt like that for a while now.
even though there are only a select few who have the honor of seeing that smile.
for once i feel like i belong to something, something that doesn't even know who i am.
i don't even know exactly what it is that i belong to.
but it's completely taken over me.
and pulsed through my every capillary... and somehow is keeping my heart beating...
and simultaneously keeps my dreams pushing through the blurry clouds my mind forms
as i drift off into sleep.
it's what keeps me one step ahead of the game.
i've never felt like this before.
that i'm where i'm meant to be. doing what i'm meant to be doing.
i'm embracing every opportunity that is being placed infront of me.
i never want to look back and wish that i'd have done something. gone somewhere.
so one day i may no longer have to write fiction.
that one day, i can have something interesting to tell people.
this world is so vast. there's so much out there to be done.
and i'm done with standing around waiting for it to happen.
i'm over letting fear rule my life.
i'm done playing along with it's rules.
so much seems to be happening right now.
one door leading to another in a never ending corridor...
think... alice in wonderland
and i'm in love with this chase.
my smile gets bigger with each turn of the knob.
fuck the candies on the table.
fuck the court.
and fuck the queen.
it's my fucking time to rule wonderland.
and i intend on doing it right.
