i should be happy.
and i am.
but, i this is just a bit of sadness mixed in.
i'm going to see my favorite band, with two of my favorite people,
yet somehow, people i don't even care about (or shouldn't care about)
are getting to me.
i realize that i've been alive 20 years. and that entire time, i have been alone.
people say 'oh you're young, you have plenty of time'
that doesn't help me feel better at all.
i have never had a relationship, be it healthy or unhealthy.
i have had obsessions.
i have had best friends.
i have had late-night calls.
but that is all i have had.
i have been the fall back.
i have been the sister.
i have been the one who will always be there.
i have been one of the guys.
and i'm tired of it.
i don't ask for much, i really don't think i do.
and this is bitching i seem to do on a very frequent basis, but i can't stop.
sometimes it seems just incredibly overwhelming i can't stop myself.
i realize i'm not the most attractive human ever.
but that's not all that matters, is it?
i'm not afraid to act stupid. i'm not afraid to be loud. i'm not afraid to be opinionated. i'm not afraid to laugh.
yet somehow, my personality doesn't even seem like it's enough.
i don't know what to think.
two years, and i have closure, maybe i shouldn't have gotten it after it.
